Friday, August 24, 2012

This Moment

{these moments} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by SouleMama.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Thursday, August 23, 2012


We opened our front door after three days and two nights at Schlitterbahn, glowing and happy.  We pushed ourselves far enough to be very tired, and our feet to be worn, but not completely exhausted.  We unbuckled the dudes, handed them their shark puppets and cars, unloaded the truck, showered and chilled.  Daddy headed out to pick up our sweet Shadow and we unpacked a little and played plenty.

The boys were happy to be home to familiar ground and toys.  After all the water play I could hardly get them out of the tub, which was full of dirty gray water.  You know the color, it reminds you of how much fun you just had.  I think we still smell like suntan lotion.

I was happy we got to take our own food so we also didn't return with a junk food hangover.  Of course we had our fair share of Dippin' Dots and some cheese pizza, but gratefully had plenty of fresh fruit and healthy goods to keep us going long and strong.

I loved seeing the gleam in their eyes as they explored every slide and pool, laughed while bouncing in the lazy river, made Summertime friends, and stayed up late.  Everything was so new to the boys, and seeing it all through their eyes made it a whole new experience for us.  It really didn't even matter that I spent most of the three days in wading pools.

The after hours hot tub and arcade called Z each night, as he won little prizes and made some girlfriends.  He's such a little flirt.

It was also awesome that family joined us for two out of three days, and Daddy got to escape and ride some big rides for a few hours.

Z told everyone that would listen that we were living at Schlitterbahn for three days.  They also needed to know that he was not a baby but his brother is, that he could do the rides, and he was three, almost four, and was going to have a dinosaur birthday party.  Sometimes they even got to hear that he could poop on his own and not in his swimsuit, which made the moms smile, and the seven year old little girls look at him with crooked grins like "that's cute but a little TMI".  That's my boy.

Ninja-stunt sliding

Exploring the Yellow Submarine

Let me go, I can swim!!!

Getting ready to taste the sea star

Feeling the cold Comal River water

Daddy and I even got to take Z on a tube ride together while Grandma waded and played with Bodhi.  Everytime he rushed down the rapids he almost exploded with excitement.  It was also nice to have some dude time.

The dudes tubin'

Bouncing with joy!

Look at that daredevil's grin.

Bodhi enjoying a pretzel half his size

On our second night "living at Schlitterbahn", Bodhi crawled off the bed and bumped his head.  It made us all sad and after he calmed down and we figured he was really okay, just stunned.  Z and I decided to read some stories and go to sleep next to him, like we had the night before.  While I stepped out to find our flashlight, I returned to find Z sweetly singing "All the Pretty Little Horses" to Bodhi and I just about melted.

Pure sweetness.

The last day was just us so we spent all our time wading in the kiddie pools and floating the lazy river.  Bodhi even napped in his tube while I floated around next to him.

Hi, Daddy!

We got a gator!

Eventually, we hopped on the last bus home, with smiles on our face, ready to get some more good food in our belly.

Last bus to the resort

Heading home

See you next year, Schlitterbahn! 

Friday, August 17, 2012

This Moment

{these moments} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by SouleMama.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Hang On

Getting two kids out the door isn't the easiest task.  

Sometimes, Bodhi is just adamant about following me around, and not being left to play, while I am getting us ready.  Yesterday morning was no exception.  I was almost done, so I whizzed by and said, "Just a minute, honey.  Hang on."  He stood at the gate with my keys in his hand, trying hard to get out. 

Something else came up.  Doesn't it always?

"Just a minute, honey.  I'm sorry."  He screamed and banged on the gate.

I decided it wasn't fair.  He had asked politely by calling my name for attention.  He fussed.  Then he screamed.  

I opened the gate and he rushed to the door with the keys in his hand and pretended to use the keys on the doorknob.  He peeked back at me with a huge grin that said, "Do you see what I did?  I figured it out!  I know what to do with these keys."  

So we sat for a few minutes playing with the door.  

There's always a few minutes.  I know this, don't I?!  We've got all the time in the world.  I am so grateful to be a home with these boys, and able to give them a few minutes when they ask for it.

When I can "give my full attention when the request comes", as Myogen Steve St├╝cky reminded me a few years ago, life is much happier around here.  I would have avoided Bodhi being sad and frustrated, me feeling stressed, and above all taken care of what was most important.  

What is right in front of me is always what's most important.  

Hopefully, I will always give you those few minutes, because your requests are so simple.  And even if they're more complicated, that's okay too.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Something Nice to Say?

Growing up, I didn't compliment people as much as I should have.  If I had something nice to say, I held back.  Sometimes I just didn't know how to say it.  So I said nothing.

Looking back and wondering why, I really didn't want to seem weird or strange.

Then I met my husband.  He was a fearless complimenter.  If someone looked nice, or did something awesome he told them.  This was quite intriguing to me.

Sometimes I would say something to someone if I was pissed off, so why not when the opposite was true?!  Quit fussing, and start complimenting.

So I started doing that.  It feels good.  I compliment people in the grocery store, moms at the park, and friends any time something stands out.  It has taken me a while to get the hang of it.  I've written letters and e-mails to people that mean something to me.  I have friended or messaged people on Facebook that inspire me.  Whether I have met them or not.

I am learning how to speak from my heart, no holds barred.

So, it warms my heart when Z sees a little girl and tells her that she is pretty or that he likes her dress.  That's how it should be.  And it shouldn't be weird.

So the next time you have something nice to say, go ahead and say it.  It means the world to me when someone tells me something nice.  Doesn't it you?

Monday, August 13, 2012

Perfect Fit

It's amazing how mamas and babes' bodies are built to fit one another.

No matter how I carry Bodhi, he fits perfectly in my arms or on my chest.  They are meant to be close to us.

During the day, when Bodhi calls for milk by tapping or biting at my chest, I scoop him up and his little head nests in my arm as our bellies connect.  The bigger he gets, the longer his legs extend, but our bellies, heart, and breath are always connected.  

He gazes up at me, and around the room, as I push the hair out of his eyes and we reach for each others hands.  His tiny fingers touch mine, sometimes seeking a pinch of the boob or a grab of my mouth.  Then he smiles, and his eyes light up and we laugh.

Every night when I snuggle up to Bodhi to nurse him to sleep, I am amazed at how his little head fits perfectly under my arm, like a mama bird tucking her babe under her wing.

His warm little belly presses up against mine.  Our breath rising and falling, intertwined peacefully.  One heart, in two bodies, beating next to one another.

That extra fat below my belly seems to be there for a purpose -to give him a cushion, which his knees push inward, wrapping around my tuft of belly perfectly.

I rise out of bed when I hear his breath slow and his grip loosen or let go.

When I turn in for the night, I lay down and he automatically reaches for the boob, where we fall asleep together.  Connected and comfortable.

It's up to him how long this ritual lasts, but every time is as special as the next.

It's pure love and comfort.  A perfect fit.

Mama and her little nestling.

Sunday, August 12, 2012


Yesterday was an epic, repetitive battle of the butting of heads for me and Z.

It began when I woke up and realized I forgot to buy coffee for the morning.  That's pretty much a tragedy, which started the whole day off on the wrong foot.  (Damn you, coffee addiction.)  It didn't help that Z just wanted to mess with Bodhi while I fixed the snack they wanted, which pretty much nixed me doing any morning Yoga at all.  Strike two for me.  I had to almost drag Z into the truck for a coffee run.

As soon as I had my warm soothing sweet mocha in my hands, I asked Z if we could start our day over.  By then I guess I had been so much of a jerk, that his reply was an automatic and stink-eyed, "No."  I took responsibility for my jerkishness and decided I wasn't going to let our day continue like that.

I am not quite sure where things went wrong, but through out the day, we kept butting heads.

He'd knock Bodhi down while looking me in the eye.  I'd respond all wrong.  He'd do it again and I'd yell.  He wouldn't get ready for the pool.  I threatened not to go.  Wrong, just wrong.  Over and over.

My poor mom was there to witness our mini-epic battles of our wills.  She had packed such a beautiful lunch in a cooler for our pool trip, so I was determined to go enjoy the day.  Attitude be damned.  Or so I thought.

We got to the pool, and being 100 degrees outside, I was hot and flustered and still annoyed.  At least I'd have help and he'd get to play with Grandma, while I wandered around with Bodhi.

I swear, between the heat, and our strong-willed nature Z and I were just not seeing eye to eye.  It's supposed to be me who lets it go and does the right thing.  You know, the whole "be the change you want to see" attitude.

The whistle blew and it was time for a break.  He knocked his brother down for the last time, I had decided.  I took the opportunity to pack our stuff up and leave.  We'd been there for hours, enjoyed our picnic, Daddy was about home, and honestly I was done.  He didn't want to leave.  By then I was afraid if I didn't go the day would end worse than it began.

We got to the truck, and he started saying bad words, just to piss me off.  I responded by screaming at him.  I was so angry I didn't care.  It wasn't about power, it was about pure unadulterated anger, seething, with the hundred degree weather adding to the steam under my collar.  We yelled in the truck as my mom tried to make the peace.  I almost wanted to yell a her to stay out of it, but I looked back and saw her heart breaking.  By then, all thoughts of peace were a distant memory.  I decided to try and be quiet.

Gladly, the ride home gave me some time to simmer down a little.  I promised him food, we sat down to eat.  Grandma headed out and I took the boys to the bath.  By then, I was trying my hardest not to be fake, but also not to be a jerk, so I said as little as possible.  He felt me, steaming, and didn't even mess with his brother until we got out of the bath.  I asked him to sit in his room, okay, I made him, before I lost it again.  I was determined for us to cool off.

Finally, he came downstairs, and I went to take his brother to bed.  The whole time, I was dreading putting him to bed.  Then I walked out of the room and saw that Daddy had beat me to begin putting him to bed.  Whew.

He called for me to read him a story.  I decided to take my armor off and surrender.  I lay down and we made eye contact.  We both felt the sting of our tired defeat.

I asked him, "What happened today?  How can we make this better?  What did I do wrong?  Be honest.  Tell me the truth, please."

He replied very quietly, "You didn't listen to me."

I asked if he could tell me how.

"You make me drink water when I'm not thirsty.  You made me go when I didn't want to go."

Tears swelled in my eyes.  He was right.  Not only did I not listen to him most of the day, I didn't trust him to meet his needs.  I wasn't showing him respect, and he wasn't showing it to me.  Many moments of how I didn't listen flashed in my mind.  (Well, besides it being a hundred degrees, and wanting him to drink water, that was a talk for another time.)

I asked him if we could hug and kiss and start our day over today, and tomorrow.  He smiled, hugged me tight, kissed me, and all the frustration melted away.  I should've done this earlier, I thought, but anger can get the best of me sometimes.

I told him, "Let's work on using the word listen with each other.  If I'm not listening, please remind me.  If you're not listening, I will remind you.  Let's make it that simple.  Okay?"


We picked up A Light in the Attic, and read poetry until his eyes got heavy.  We said goodnight, and I sang and tickled him to sleep.  By then, I wasn't angry, but felt remorse.  I watched him sleep a while before I slipped downstairs to watch a movie with Daddy.

Today is a new day, and we've begun again.  We've already reminded each other to listen, and I've written the word on my hand.

The least I can do is listen, and really pay attention to him, and my anger when it arises, and let it burn off appropriately.

I am grateful for his honesty.  I am grateful that we can talk.  I am grateful for this beautiful growing boy, that teaches me to pay attention and listen, even if it takes me all day.

Friday, August 10, 2012

This Moment

{these moments} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by SouleMama.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Friday, August 3, 2012

This Moment

{these moments} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by SouleMama.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.