Saturday, March 31, 2012

Joy Pockets

Spring sunshine and wildflowers galore.

The wrens built a nest in the birdhouse we built together last year and the babies just hatched.
We sat together and watched Mama, Daddy and baby birds and found a tiny piece of eggshell.

Greenbelt hikes to the creek.

Special connections with Z and Bodhi and growing together as a family.

The seeds we planted last weekend have sprouted!
Green zucchini, yellow squash, cantaloupe and butternut squash.
I am so grateful my thumb is getting greener.

Trips to Terra Toys.

A little time alone with Bodhi.

Playtime for Bodhi with a good friend's baby.

Meeting some new friends.

joy pockets

 Joy Pockets.
Thank you, Holistic Mama.

Friday, March 30, 2012

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by SouleMama.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It's Time

Z's first night in his own bed

Is it time to stop nursing?

Is it time for him to have his own bed?

Is it time to get that kid out of diapers?

These were the top three most tiresome questions I heard when Z was younger.  Believe me, I heard them plenty of times.  I am sure I will get them with Bodhi too.

My answer was always, "When it's time."

Our children always tell us when it's time.  We just have to listen and watch.

There is nothing wrong with encouraging but force doesn't work.  It's counter-intuitive.

Of course there are times when parents have to stop things that are dangerous or harmful, but not with natural processes.  At least not for me.

He slowly stopped nursing when I was pregnant, even while co-sleeping.  He was two years, four months old and I was four months pregnant when he nursed himself to sleep for the last time.  I secretly hoped he would so that Bodhi would get that special bond, time, and milk to himself.  But, I never pushed it.  I would offer milk sometimes, but never denied him his precious boob.  He did it on his own, when he was ready.

He moved into his bed a week before Bodhi was born.  I have to admit, at nine months pregnant I was getting uncomfortable, but that can be life with children I figured.  We set up his bed about a month and a half before Bodhi was due.  We talked about it, read books about it, let him pick out the cool comforter and pillows, and gently reminded him his bed was there.  One night after brushing his teeth he looked at me and said, "I'm going to bed."  He marched into his bed.  I said not a word.  I asked him what stories he wanted to read.  I and read to him, and kissed him goodnight, he fell asleep while I was reading and I quietly slipped away.  He called out a few times that night, we went to him and comforted him, but remained in his bed until morning, all on his own.  It's been that way ever since.  He did it when he was ready.

A year ago I bought one of those little dude potties and a cushioned seat cover.  I was hopeful not to have two kids in diapers.  He wasn't too interested.  Sure he used it a few times sporadically but all in all was just fine with his diapers.  I let him go naked around the house and he would use the potty then, but if I put underwear on him, he ended up drenched along with whatever he sat on.  He finally went longer and longer in underwear but wasn't quite ready.  I gave Pull-ups a shot.  It was the same as a diaper.  I noticed that sometimes he would tell me he had to go.  I thought maybe I should put him in underwear but it annoyed him.  My Mom and his pediatrician agreed that if he was ready I should put him into underwear.  I took him to the store a few weeks ago and had him pick out his underwear, bought a few extra pairs of pants, and one day said, "You are big and you know when to potty.  We are going to wear underwear during the day now.  It's OK if you have an accident.  If you have to go just tell me and no matter what I will help you go."  He seemed eager so I knew it would work.  Four days later he was accident free.  It happened when he was ready.

He teaches me so much about how to let things happen when they are ready to happen.  You can't push the river.

I do my best as a parent to watch for the signals.  Things always change and I have to be willing to pay attention and let them change in their own time with love and encouragement.

It will happen.  They will let us know when it's time if we keep our eyes open.

(Of course, every family is different and does what is right for them, this is just how we roll.)

Friday, March 9, 2012

In a Second The World Can Change

The other day, something happened that shook me to the core.

We only think we know how precious and fragile life is until something like this happens.

It really wakes you up. 

In a matter of seconds the world shifts.

Minutes feel like hours. 

Hours feel like days.           

I am still quite unsettled.

Z ended up in the emergency room with the back of his head split open and a busted up face.

I saw my baby boy’s skull.   I wish that no mother ever experiences that.

For hours we didn’t know how serious it was.

I am so grateful that after a clear CT scan and six staples to his precious head he is ok.  He is playing and living like it never happened.  His resiliency is astounding.

We were playing in the garden.  I stepped away to change his brother’s diaper on the porch and I heard a crash and scream.  In that minute, he pulled the pins out of our utility trailer and the ramp fell on his head pinning his face to the ground.  I ran.

I still don’t remember if he crawled all the way out or if I pulled him out. 

His face was busted up and mouth was bloody.  I thought that was the worst part until I held his head and discovered that it was split open and we were covered in blood.

Daddy rushed home in minutes and we hurried to the ER.

Every single horrible imaginable thing crossed my mind.  I felt helpless.  All we could do was hold ice on him, tell him he would be ok, and go. 

Thank goodness the numbing gel they administered made his pain and tears stop immediately. 

I held it together, for the most part, until after bed.  Then I lost it.  I sobbed in the shower. 

My heart literally hurt.  My body ached.  I felt sick.  I still feel sick about it.  

I feel responsible.  It happened in about a minute.  I let my guard down for one minute.

I wondered.  What if it handicapped him?  Or he needed surgery?  What if he was in the hospital or worse?  What if he wasn’t here anymore?  What if I’d never hold him again? 

Was I the best mom I could be?  I reflected upon all sorts of regrets.  We’d just emerged from  a rough two weeks between colds, ear infections, and teething.  Was every time I got frustrated or expressed anger to him ever necessary? 

I had to stop.  

I had to breathe. 

I haven’t quite let go.

Every time I look at his scratched up face and staples, I cringe inside.  It’s like a little pain in my chest when I see him hurt. 

He is acting perfectly fine and just as adventurous as ever.  He hasn’t complained.  Washing his hair is easy, for him.  He still wants to jump off the couch. 

Every time his head comes near something I shudder a little.  But we don’t live in a bubble.  I can’t let this ruin our life.  I am being strong.  I am taking it as a huge warning.

We all know that terrible things will happen.  We expect to be shaken.  But not like that, with our children.  

We worry.  We do everything we can to prevent it.  We hope we can protect them.  We think we have a minute.  We sometimes underestimate them.

It is a reminder to me that in an instant things can change and life will never be the same.  I only hope that this lesson lingers with me forever to remind me every day how precious these boys are. 

How precious everyone is. 

Life is precious.

Life is fragile.  

Friday, March 2, 2012

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by SouleMama.
If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.