Sunday, October 30, 2011

Joy Pockets

Cool mornings and warm Fall afternoons.

Rolling down the hill of the Capitol grounds.
Outside breakfast at Sweetish Hill: 
warm coffee on a cool morning,
lovely fruit & fruit danish, 
shortbread and gingerbread cookies,
a Frankenstein cupcake,
and lots of smiles, giggles, dogs and birds.
Z's flying saucer birthday party was a ton of fun!

Aliens & a UFO!!

Halloween carnivals full of silly and bouncing dressed up children.

joy pockets

 Joy Pockets.
Thank you, Holistic Mama.

Friday, October 28, 2011

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by SouleMama.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.
. . . . . . . .

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Joy Pockets

Our sweet boy turned three.
I love watching him evolve every day.

Birthday trampolines!

Birthday Jeep!!

I had so much fun turning the living room into a flying saucer for Z's birthday.

Bodhi napping in the Fall sunshine.

Beautiful eggplants, strawberry plants and carrot sprouts this week in the garden!

Curious tiny people that are full of love and wonder.

Enjoying the last day of being two.

Cut the cake!!!!!

Birthdays are beautiful -new years to reflect upon.

joy pockets
♥ Joy Pockets.
Thank you, Holistic Mama / Bohemian Twilight.

Friday, October 21, 2011

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Last Day of Two

Birth day

I can't believe Z turns three tomorrow.  It makes me cry.  It makes me smile.  It fills me with love.

I am honored and humbled to be his mother.  Every single day I am grateful that the universe allowed me to give birth to this tiny human.  It's the biggest thing I've ever done and the first time ever in my life I feel like I am in the right spot in the world.  Even when the ground is constantly shifting underneath me.

I adore and appreciate every single thing he does.  The awesome beautiful stuff and the stuff that knocks me down a peg or two.   He's opens my heart and subdues my ego like nothing ever before.

Thank you, Z for cracking my heart wide open and making me look within.  I would do anything for you.  I love you more than the universe time infinity!

First birthday

Second birthday

 Last day of two

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


It's the time of year when family birthdays and holidays are abound.  It's a new year and time when I reflect on how I have changed and lived.  I often read my journals and think about what is important to us all.

This year I was inspired by a friend, Robin and this book to write my intentions.  Many lovely and true words of Maezen are also reflected and included in my list.

This is a gift to my family and self.  It is something to remind me of what works for me and what I need to work on.  It will sit in my kitchen windowsill altar where I will read it every day.

Gratitude for our children, family and friends.  They are perfect as is and are wonderful teachers.
Tend to the garden that is our family and my life.
Pay attention to what is in front of me.  Don't worry as much about what's not.
Take care of what is being asked of me in the moment.
Don't make things work or see things as work.
I have all the time in the world.  
Stop, pause, breathe and savor the moment.  
Be kind, gentle, tolerant and patient.
Recognize beauty, joy and love as well as frustration, anger and destructive emotions.  Maybe just be with them instead of act.
Be consistent but flexible.
Forgive myself and others.
Appreciate my life.  Every moment is my teacher.
Sit when I can but know each moment is practice.
Let's just see how it goes.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Joy Pockets

Watching busy tiny fingers.
Z is always busy with something,
and Bodhi is really enjoying his hands this week.

Watching Z and Bodhi stare at and talk to the full moon in amazement and wonder.

Bodhi making funny spitty tongue sounds and thinking it's funny when we do it back.

Falling in love all over again with Harold and the Purple Crayon.

Heavy downpours and middle of the night thunderstorms that entice me stay up, watch and listen.

Finding self portraits after Z puts down the camera.

Finding pea sprouts in the garden!

Sleeping in the middle of two small cuddly bodies.

Appreciating and loving the differences between two brothers.

Watching two brothers love and smile at each other.

joy pockets

♥ Joy Pockets.
Thank you, Holistic Mama / Bohemian Twilight.

Friday, October 14, 2011

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Banana Bread

Of all the things my Grandmother left behind, the love of baking and cooking and her recipe books are some that I cherish the most.  I have binders stuffed with her recipe collection, many hand written, as well as a few cookbooks.

Banana bread is definitely a Fall favorite.  My Mom makes it every Christmas.  Now I make it every time we have old mushy bananas.  Grandmother also taught me never let anything go to waste!

Here's her recipe.

One Year Since

"Here is the world.  
Beautiful and terrible things will happen.  
Don't be afraid."
Frederick Buechner

It's hard to believe it's been one year since my Grandmother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Five years after she had conquered it.  Around that same time I found myself pregnant with Bodhi.  Needless to say, it's been a rough and beautiful year in many ways.  But if there is one thing my Grandmother taught me, it was not to be afraid.

Fear is not something that should make you cower.  It's there to show you when you're at a crossroads and have to go beyond it.  Further than you think you can.  Fully experience it.  Even when you think you can't.  It makes you tender, not hard.  That kind of strength is within us all.

She showed me even when I didn't think I was paying attention.

That was the kind of strength I needed to care for her and support her in the decisions she made, and make some decisions I never knew I would have to.  Of course there were moments when I would dwell in fear and cry and cry but shutting down was not an option.  I was taking care of her, my two-year old, unborn child, myself and our home.  I was needed like never before in my life.

She knew I was pregnant and that was something beautiful to talk about.  In fact, there's always something beautiful to talk about, even the sad stuff.  We were close, we talked and I saw her often but the last weeks were different.  We didn't pretend it wasn't happening, but we didn't make it the center of every conversation.  We held onto hope.  The kind of hope that only endless love knows.

I made time to feel it and be in the experience with her.   We sat and talked like we never had before.  I am eternally grateful she opened up like I never saw in my life.  Many hours we just held hands or I watched her sleep.  We would look at pictures and tell stories.  She'd skip lunch but eat the cake.  She would watch Z play, just absorbing his joy and beauty.  Tears of joy and tears of sadness were shed.

She shared things with me I never expected, but am glad she did.  It made me sad when she told me she always wanted to go back to Hawaii and never had.  But it made me happy when she talked about the most beautiful vacation she had ever been on there with my Grandfather.

She was strong, held onto all dignity and never complained even a little.  Not once.  I don't know how she did it.  But she taught me something while she did it.

January 26th, The last afternoon I saw her we were alone, and she was half in and half out of this world.  Her room was filled with pictures and objects that were dear to her.  There were three pictures at the foot of her bed.  One was her and my Grandfather smiling (her about my age) and her parents.  She looked at me more peacefully than she had in the month since she had found out the chemo wasn't working.  She said with a half smile pointing at the pictures, "They're with me everywhere I go."  It was the first time I felt like she had found peace.

One month to the date that the doctor said she "probably has a month to live" I received a knock on my front door about five in the morning.  It was my dad telling me she was gone and we could go say goodbye.  I immediately felt the loss in the depth of my being but I also felt her with me.  I quietly slipped out of the house and held her hand one last time.

She's still with us to this day, just not in the way she always was.

Having the grandmothers I had, and now being a mother, makes me a stronger woman that I ever knew I was.  I am always opening up to unknown parts of me.  Especially when I'm not trying to.  Life's lessons are deep in the marrow of our being.  When we need them, they're there to provide strength.  It's funny when I recognize something that they taught me or catch myself doing something that they taught me when I didn't know I was absorbing a thing.  It makes me quietly smile knowing they're with me.

When I peer quietly into my children's eyes I feel the love of the whole universe, the one that my Grandmothers are still a part of.  It's something I never experienced until I had children and even more since I lost my Grandmother.

It also makes me realize that every action I make is being watched carefully and every thing I do is teaching my children.  They are little sponges and mirrors.  I can teach them strength or I can teach them weakness.  It's up to me to pause when I'm at the crossroads and choose a direction.  I can also recognize when I make a mistake and not be afraid to backtrack and choose the other way.

I am grateful for my grandmothers' strength, my children and Zen practice.  They help me be and accept the woman that I am and things they way they are.  Mistakes and all.

**The picture above is "GG" (as Z called Grandmother), me and Z on her 80th birthday at our house.  February 14, 2009.**

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Joy Pockets

A heavenly outdoor lunch at Upper Crust Bakery with the boys. 
A delicious avocado sandwich, marble cupcakes and sprinkle cake.

A special tiny man turned 3-months old this week

Sunshine mixed with chances of rain.
This drought has moments of hope.

Every moment touching and tending the earth together is special.

Delicious blueberry muffins.  

Playing around with Halloween and party decorations.

Finding the costume Z wants and watching him run around, play, and scare us.

Moments after cleansing tears.

joy pockets

♥ Joy Pockets.
Thank you, Holistic Mama / Bohemian Twilight.

Friday, October 7, 2011

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Joy Pockets

Inspired by my niece's viola lesson.
I always said I wanted to learn the violin.
It felt like I was meant to do it.

Being more fearless and getting out more and more alone with the boys.
Among other things.

Lovely rolling thunderstorms and watching them while cuddling on the porch.

An amazingly awesome and fun Super Hero birthday party.

Dinner with family at my sister's house.

The Children's Museum new dinosaur exhibit 
followed by lunch downtown and a trip to Big Top candy store!

Robin's inspiring blog, wonderful words and awesome questions.
She's a fearless inspiring beautiful woman and I am grateful to read her words.
Short lived tummy bugs that don't kill his spirit
and aren't as bad as what I remember as a kid.
Sweet boy was better and better every day.

Talking about Halloween and Fall with Z.
Watching him get excited about dressing up and decorations.
The wheels are spinning!

joy pockets

♥ Joy Pockets.
Thank you, Holistic Mama / Bohemian Twilight.