This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.

Walking in Circles

Sometimes I walk in circles feeling like I should be doing "something else". I feel guilty sometimes for not doing enough. Or being enough. I wish during these times I could turn off my thinking brain. Then I realize it's a good thing that I can recognize it. Because it allows me to stop and evaluate my walking in circles.

All at once I can be flooded with...

I've got a to-do list

Laundry needs to be done

I want my desk organized

I want the table cleared

There are dishes

Z probably needs a snack

Bodhi is about to wake up

Did I play with Z enough or clean the playroom too much?

What am I making for dinner?

Then I realize I thought all that in a matter of a few minutes.

Man, my brain can be busy.

I have the power to stop that.

I have the power to realize that it doesn't all need to be done right then and slow down. Sometimes it is just all in my head and I don't have to act. I just think I do.

I have the power to take a deep breath, fix Z a snack, sit with him, play and wait for Bodhi to wake up. And fully pay attention to each thing as I do it. If I get a moment to do the rest then I do. You'll always know when it's time.

It's as simple as that.

Silly Saturday

I have no shortage of silly moments living with Z.

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.

My Little Mirrors

Today I lost my patience. I was angry at someone outside of this household. I found myself saying things with a sharper tongue than normal in tones and levels I don't like to hear coming from myself. To everyone in sight. I didn't hold true to "if you have nothing nice to say (or can't say it nice) then don't say anything at all". And I wasn't paying attention to anything.

I eventually caught myself and said sorry. To everyone. For some reason I was expecting everyone to deal with it. The attitude was "I'm pissy so let me be pissy. Yeah, you. You have your moments too.". After a while I realized that wasn't a healthy attitude for anyone. It came from was Z and Bodhi's reaction. My little mirrors snapped me to attention...

At first, Z was being as sweet as he could be. Like trying to hug me or be silly. I'd accept it, with a half smile then rush off. Then he picked up on my vibe and started acting up. Getting in my way, trying to stop me. I wasn't paying attention to him and ignoring my anger and huffing and puffing around. He started knocking things down and doing things he knew I wouldn't be happy with. Bodhi woke up, I changed him, nursed him and tried to put him down. No way. He was feeling me. I started to get more frustrated. "Geez, don't you know I need time to sulk and be angry." Then I realized they had put up with me long enough and they were fed up too. They were trying to get my attention in the best way possible -mirroring my attitude, begging me to take a peek. Adults to this just as well. This is something that can stop me dead in my tracks when I finally realize it. I wished it had happened sooner.

I just sat there and thought about why the heck was I so mad. Did I really need to react that way? Life's 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it, yada yada yada. I hadn't reacted good at all. Thank goodness children are most forgiving. We sat together and hugged for a while after apologies. Then I sat and watched Z play and Bodhi sleep and composed myself more while realizing that my problem wasn't even a problem at all. It was a really bad reaction to a slamming of my ego. I didn't get my way. So I took it out on those I love. And that sucks. All in all, I'm glad I have my mirrors and I'm glad when I look into them. And all around, everything is forgiven.

Thank you, tiny mirrors. I love you.

Taking Notice: In the Moment

We're all happiest when we're in the moment instead of trying to make the moment.

The other afternoon, Bodhi fell asleep and I could see that Z was getting tired. But he wouldn't go down for a nap. I tried and tried. Cuddle, read a book, cartoon for chill time, low lights? Nope. Nothing was working. I wanted him to nap. I wanted a little time. I wasn't recognizing that that was a precious moment for us to hang out while Bodhi was asleep, even if Bodhi sleeps a lot. He started to get frustrated and cranky with me. I wasn't taking notice that he just wanted to be with his Mama. I released my grip and we went downstairs to play. Immediately, we were both happy. It turned out to be a nice fun chunk of playtime for me and Z.

Sometimes, I don't take notice. I fight and fight. Then we're both frustrated. It's not about winning. It's about noticing and being and learning to let go. If I simply notice my frustration, feel it's hot grip on me, realize what the situation needs and let go everyone's a little happier. And that's what life's about.

Silly Saturday