Lost

I feel lost if I think about where I've been.

I feel lost when I think about where I'm supposed to be going.

But, I am never lost when I look at what's in front of me.

Attention

"Attention is the most concrete expression of love.

What you pay attention to thrives.

What you do not pay attention to withers and dies."

Karen Maezen Miller

I read this every day.  

Sometimes I need the reminder.  

Even if this truth right in front of my face.

It's O.K.

You know the moments.

The moments where everything seems to be wrong all at once.

My small mind sees:

The kitchen is messy, I'm are late making lunch, for some reason the T.V. is still on, and I wonder why I didn't make more coffee.

So I start to dwell. And stress. And make something out of nothing. Then Z runs in the kitchen and sees me frustrated and smiles, "It's O.K., Mama." His simple observation hits me hard. He is right. Again. Instantly, that little smile melts my heart into loving submission and I realize, yes, it is O.K.

His big mind sees:

Dust and grass are easily vacuumed, lunch is quickly finished, the T.V. is turned off and all I really need is a glass of water and the wisdom of a child.

One More Time, Mama

There is nothing like a child to remind you to be present in each moment.

My son, Z frequently requests that I do something, "One more time, Mama." I think to myself and sometimes say out loud, "Again?" He clarifies, "One more time, Mama." So I do it one more time. Over and over. One more time. Then I get it. He really does mean one more time. It's all we ever have. What exists is what is happening now, not yesterday, not tomorrow, not in an hour, but right now, this one more time.

He is the best teacher I have ever had.

I'd also like to give a special thanks to the Karen Maezen Miller (author of Momma Zen and Hand Wash Cold) and the Austin Zen Center for keeping me inspired and full of love.