Mama Been's Kitchen -Fettucine Alfredo

I also love to share my own favorite recipes here at Mama Been's Kitchen.

Today I posted a delicious recipe for fettucine alfredo.

Wondering if I should merge my recipes with this blog...

It's OK

It's OK that

things are on hold...

the laundry is piling up...

the dishes aren't always done...

the carpet isn't vacuumed right now...

the house is messier than usual...

I do things little by little...

I don't have enough sleep...

I don't have time for "my" creative things...

our day has no goals but making meals and having fun...

and I sit and be instead of have to do...

I've got the cutest excuses ever.

4 a.m. Cuddles

A moment this Mama will never forget.

4 a.m. cuddle on our first sleepless night at the hospital.

There's nothing like holding a precious little piece of the universe in your arms.

A Call to Attention

To a Mama the bell of mindfulness comes as the sound of her child's cry or the call of her name. Sometimes it's a crash or sound of the pantry door. Maybe it's a little one acting fussy reminding you to stop doing what you're doing and pay attention!

These days, I never have time for a formal meditation practice or visit to the Zendo. I rarely get a chance to sit on the cushion. Sure, sometimes I steal five to fifteen minutes when everyone is asleep or just sit and feel my breath for a minute, but that's rare with a newborn and toddler. I have accepted it will be a while before I get back into my groove here. But this doesn't mean that I'm not practicing or paying attention.

Every moment there is one reminder after another to "pay attention" and remember that "my life is my practice". I also have to remember that with love and attention all things will grow and flourish. I'd like to thank Karen Maezen Miller (and Maezumi Roshi, whom I never met) for these beautiful words and these ideas. In Momma Zen she writes, "Take care of what is in front of you, when it is in front of you, and the confusion will pass. This is called the effort of no effort. No effort is what powers the universe."

Sometimes when I feel that I have to focus on one single thing at a time or just finish what I'm doing I reflect upon what Kosho, the teacher at the Austin Zen Center told me, "Awareness is a floodlight." Awareness is not a spotlight that excludes certain things out of convenience. It is possible to pay attention to more than one thing at a time without being totally overwhelmed. It's what all mothers do! I wouldn't call it multitasking, but total awareness. No, it's not easy. Yes, I get frustrated.

Sometimes when I'm in the middle of some "important" task then Z or Bodhi calls me to attention, I think "Geez, I need to finish this. Don't you get it? You need to eat/clean clothes/the milk cleaned so you won't slip..." But in that moment he needs his Mama to pay attention! Last year I heard a lovely dharma talk by Abbot Myogen Steve Stücky where he talked about his practice with his children. He talks about my exact predicament described above. He speaks of the importance of "carefully attending to things" and "giving full attention when the request comes". Don't "Make the pancakes more important than the immediate request." Compassion, attention and understanding is including that/those which are right in front of you, not excluding something just because you have an idea that something else in that moment is more important. That is your reality -what is right in front of you!

It brings everyone peace to know that no matter where I am, or what I am doing, the act of simply paying attention is taking care of others and what is in front of me. That's what this Mama and her children need. And no, it's not always as easy as it sounds.

One More Time, I'm a New Mama

Life with a newborn and a two-year old toddler is full of...

Love and joy.

Awe, surprise and adoration.

Starting over again.

Nothing the same.

Equally awesome but completely opposite boys.

More confidence this round mixed with some healthy confusion.

Helpful and loving family and friends.

Tiredness and fatigue.

Running on love.

Tears.

Realizing more every day it's we, not me.

Learning about ourselves and our newly expanded family.

Eating together at a table most meals...

Yes, even if the baby has a boob in the mouth and Mama waits.

Sometimes cereal for dinner.

Messyness and taking time to pick up little by little.

Lots of lists to get crap out of Mama's head.

Surprises and constant change from moment to moment.

What the hell was that noise?

Is this normal?

"Z!?!?"

"What was that?!?!?"

"Hang on, I hear Bodhi..."

Re-defining the word "important".

Letting go and leaning in.

And loving every tired moment that awakens us all a little more.

Did I say, LOVE LOVE LOVE.

And more LOVE.

Silly Saturdays

Is it a detour? Maybe it's where you need to be.

Is it really a detour if it's where you need to be?

If you had asked me ten years ago if I'd be where I am today I would have laughed and answered smugly, "No." I had goals. I had desires. I had many wishes and ideas. I was going to get a business degree, be a successful financial advisor, make a lot of money and own a home with lots of awesome stuff and bad-ass cars. Kids were optional, if we had the time. Sometimes things change. I'm still changing, but when I think about my plans for my life I now cringe. I thought I was just taking a detour for a while but it turns out I was learning how to follow my heart.

I was inspired by my Grandfather and his investment savvy and my Grandparent's great business sense. They had worked hard their whole life and had owned businesses. The Gowens had own the Gowens General Store and were big dogs in a little town. It was in my blood I thought. I never thought of any consequences other than success, money and stature. Where was the love, enjoyment and care besides the hard work, long hours and ideas of gaining something? That's when I began to think of quality of life and pay attention to the people around me. I've always loved helping people, taking care of their needs and helping them to reach goals. I love "customer service" and took great pride in caring, as one person implied, "Helping too much. (Just do your job)".

Fast forward ten years. I have a philosophy degree (after exploring business, advertising then psychology). I am a stay at home mom of one rad kid with another little love on the way. I have a loving, wonderful, hard working husband (been together over eleven years and married almost seven). He would do anything for his family as I would too. I own a home on 2/3 of an acre and a few cars and a camper. I still help people and take care of them but I've realized it's not about "getting something out of it". As the Beatles say, "All you need is love." I don't care about or want the same stuff I did ten years ago. In fact I wonder how I got so lucky that that my husband and I have evolved together for eleven plus years accepting each other as we are, changes and all. Yes, times have been tough for both of us in a lot of ways, but we've always had the same goal in mind: love and being there for each other through thick and thin.

I used to stress over "me" time and my goals but now I realize it's really about "we" time. I've had some amazing teachers in my life that have inspired me through my thirty years on this planet. Some thousands of years old and some as young as a newborn. Some I've hugged countless of times, some only once and some never. Some that helped me to realize where I want to be and where I don't want to be. But in all reality the most important teacher is always right in front of me and it's up to me to listen and intuit what the next step is (if there is one). I've learned to listen to my heart and realize I've got what it takes through the tough and the easy, the thick and the thin, the glad and the sad, the good and the bad. It may not always seem like I know what I'm doing when I'm in the moment but you know where you are where you need to be and you know what you need to do. It's not always a "detour" or "putting dreams on hold". You are where you need to be right now and you'll always know what the next step is. You know what's important if you pay attention.

Thank you to all my teachers: The Universe, my Grandmothers, my Mom, my son that is here and my son on the way, my husband, my family, my friends, my bosses, my co-workers, Buddha, Karen Maezen Miller, Suzuki Roshi, Maezumi Roshi, Thich Nhat Hahn, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, Jogi Bhagat, Dalai Lama, Jesus, Pema Chödrön, Patanjali, my college professors -especially Robert Solomon, Katherine Higgins, Steven Phillips and Avron Boretz, grade school teachers, countless poets and writers, Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and many many others. Just to name a few.