I'm Sorry

I'm sorry, sweet boy.

I'm sorry we were late to the splash pad because Bodhi's nap ran late.

Please be grateful that we got to go.

I'm sorry our friends had to go because they had already been there for a while.

Please be grateful that you have friends, it's been hard for you making them, with your excited happy often over-the-top energy that doesn't usually match all those around you.

I'm sorry those kids didn't want to share their toys, even when you offered to trade.

Please be grateful for the ones that did.

I'm sorry that girl told you she didn't want you be your friend after you so sweetly went up to her to share her bucket and say, "Hi, I'm Zachary and I'd like to be your friend."  You even offered her your beloved Grave Digger, which she not so politely declined.  It made me sad too.

Please be grateful that you see everyone as a friend.  It is a blessing, because everyone is worthy of your friendship and unconditional love, even if others can't always see it.

I'm sorry we had to go earlier than you wanted to.

Please understand that it's because I could tell you were tired and not on the same wavelength as the little ones that surrounded you.

I'm sorry I got mad when you acted out.  You got in the girl's way because you didn't have the tools to express your feelings after you used all the words you had, and knocked Bodhi down on his face because you were angry.

Please understand that I could see it was only about to get worse, and I lost my cool and made you get your shoes with tears in your eyes.  Trust me, the tears were about to flow in mine.  I'd rather they think I am an asshole than you.  Because I can take it.  I'd take anything for you.

Tears swell in my eyes knowing what an awesome boy you really are and how hard I try to be the best mama I can to you.  But all we can do is our best and call it a day when it's time.  And I'm always learning when it's time.

Sometimes I feel like a failure, but I don't want you to know that.  I want you to see me as strong.  Sometimes you see me cry, and all I can say is I'm sorry, and I love you, and next time hopefully it won't go this way.

You're often a stinker and you know how to push buttons.  Trust me, I know.  I was you.  I was spoiled but loved more than tongue can tell.  I had a hard time making friends too.    I had a hard time sharing.  I had a hard time matching those around me.  Sometimes I still can't find the right words.

It gets better because you will never stop learning, and we'll keep on truckin' together.  You'll get the swing of it and I will never leave your side.  I'll pick myself up when I fall and teach you how to do the same.

You have a one of a kind, very special personality, full of so much intensity, laughter, and love.  You have a hard time expressing your feelings using just words sometimes.  Your strong willed nature will get you far if I can only help you find the right direction.

I'm sorry you don't understand right now.

All I can do is light our torch and head into the darkness with you, and cry when we need to cry.

I love you with all my heart, but sometimes it's time to go.

It's Time

Z's first night in his own bed

Is it time to stop nursing?

Is it time for him to have his own bed?

Is it time to get that kid out of diapers?

These were the top three most tiresome questions I heard when Z was younger.  Believe me, I heard them plenty of times.  I am sure I will get them with Bodhi too.

My answer was always, "When it's time."

Our children always tell us when it's time.  We just have to listen and watch.

There is nothing wrong with encouraging but force doesn't work.  It's counter-intuitive.

Of course there are times when parents have to stop things that are dangerous or harmful, but not with natural processes.  At least not for me.

He slowly stopped nursing when I was pregnant, even while co-sleeping.  He was two years, four months old and I was four months pregnant when he nursed himself to sleep for the last time.  I secretly hoped he would so that Bodhi would get that special bond, time, and milk to himself.  But, I never pushed it.  I would offer milk sometimes, but never denied him his precious boob.  He did it on his own, when he was ready.

He moved into his bed a week before Bodhi was born.  I have to admit, at nine months pregnant I was getting uncomfortable, but that can be life with children I figured.  We set up his bed about a month and a half before Bodhi was due.  We talked about it, read books about it, let him pick out the cool comforter and pillows, and gently reminded him his bed was there.  One night after brushing his teeth he looked at me and said, "I'm going to bed."  He marched into his bed.  I said not a word.  I asked him what stories he wanted to read.  I and read to him, and kissed him goodnight, he fell asleep while I was reading and I quietly slipped away.  He called out a few times that night, we went to him and comforted him, but remained in his bed until morning, all on his own.  It's been that way ever since.  He did it when he was ready.

A year ago I bought one of those little dude potties and a cushioned seat cover.  I was hopeful not to have two kids in diapers.  He wasn't too interested.  Sure he used it a few times sporadically but all in all was just fine with his diapers.  I let him go naked around the house and he would use the potty then, but if I put underwear on him, he ended up drenched along with whatever he sat on.  He finally went longer and longer in underwear but wasn't quite ready.  I gave Pull-ups a shot.  It was the same as a diaper.  I noticed that sometimes he would tell me he had to go.  I thought maybe I should put him in underwear but it annoyed him.  My Mom and his pediatrician agreed that if he was ready I should put him into underwear.  I took him to the store a few weeks ago and had him pick out his underwear, bought a few extra pairs of pants, and one day said, "You are big and you know when to potty.  We are going to wear underwear during the day now.  It's OK if you have an accident.  If you have to go just tell me and no matter what I will help you go."  He seemed eager so I knew it would work.  Four days later he was accident free.  It happened when he was ready.

He teaches me so much about how to let things happen when they are ready to happen.  You can't push the river.

I do my best as a parent to watch for the signals.  Things always change and I have to be willing to pay attention and let them change in their own time with love and encouragement.

It will happen.  They will let us know when it's time if we keep our eyes open.

(Of course, every family is different and does what is right for them, this is just how we roll.)

Earth Hugger

I get asked a lot of questions.  Some of them are simple and some are rather complicated.  Sometimes the most complicated part is how to explain it to a three-year-old.

Z asked me, "Why do I fall so much?"

I thought for a second and replied, "Because you're goofy and because of gravity."  I was just curious if he'd accept that or ask about gravity again.

"What's gravity?"

"The earth is dense and heavy pulling you to the ground.  It's called force.  It doesn't want you to float away."

He laughs.  "Why is it pulling me?" 

"Well, we see the moon go around the earth everyday, right?"

"Yeah."

"The moon spins around the earth.  The earth pulls the moon close because of gravity.  And the earth spins around the sun.  The sun pulls the earth because of gravity."

"Why?  Why is it pulling?"

"The earth wants a big hug!!  You sure like to hug the earth a lot, don't you?"

After many laughs, giggles and earth hugs we went about playing some more.

His why's indicate to me that he's curious and learning.  He may not always fully comprehend it but he's paying attention and asking questions.

Astrophysicists don't even know why.  They can explain, observe and experience but the don't know why.  So that's my explanation.

I love the questions he asks.  I love that he inspires me to think about things I haven't thought about in a long time.  I love that he makes me curious.

It also makes me happy to think of all the things we will learn (or re-learn), experience and observe about this world together.

And now we have a fun explanation for falls.

How would you explain gravity to a three-year-old?
What are some of your favorite questions you've been asked by your kids?