I Am a Mama

I am a mama.

When did it become not enough to be just a mama?

Why does any mama have to be ecological breastfeeding, crunchy, attachment parent mama like it's some contest?

I refuse to enter that contest.  Have at it.

I never even heard these terms until the last year or so but found that they are in line with how I am as a mother, for the most part.  I had to Google them when I first heard them.  These things come naturally, I figured.

Can you imagine what our Mamas, Grandmothers, Great-Grandmothers, Great-Great-Great-Grandmothers (and on and on) and Mama sisters around the world would think?

I kind of think it's funny.

I kind of think it's sad.

Is it not enough that I adore and love my children more than anything in the world and take care of them to the best of my ability with their mental, physical and emotional well-being and health in mind?

I adore being a mother and find that every mother can identify with one another at the deepest level, just like we all can if we try.

It's like every mother is a sister.

We all need to lighten our loads.

We are above all Mamas.

That is enough.

Deep breath and carry on...

Joy Pockets

Joy Pockets

Sitting under the Full Harvest Moon with Daddy while the boys slumbered.

♥

Family cuddles.

♥

Listening to Daddy tell Z bedtime stories.  

Z picks the topic and Daddy spins a tale.

♥

Making a decision to cut the computer and TV completely during the day.

It feels great.  We love it.

♥

Warm fresh banana bread. 

♥

Painting, drawing, stickers and coloring every day.

We love creating and making art together.

 Picking up leaves, sticks, herbs and tree balls to make a welcome fall painting.  

Watching tiny fingers paint and get messy.

A tiny human getting gigglier and smilier every single day.

Waking up snuggled next to a tiny baby.

Cooking with Z. 

Sitting still.

On the cushion.  On a chair.  On the floor.

With my words.  With my feelings.

With anxiousness.  With joy.  With anger.  With frustration.

Working every day on feeling and not just reacting or overreacting.

I ♥ Joy Pockets.Thank you, Holistic Mama / Bohemian Twilight.

Mama's Toolbox

Major meltdown for Z this afternoon. He wanted to go with Daddy to get Uncle B because they're going to pick up a motorcycle. Sounds like a fun boys afternoon, right? He went back and forth between "I wanna go!" and "I don't wanna go!". We were lost. He wanted both. He wanted us all to go. We didn't get mad but of course we were frustrated. We knew he was confused and felt lost too so we didn't want to compound his frustration with ours, mixed in with anger. We made time for the meltdown. We sat and gave him a choice to go or not. He got in the car-seat and out several times. Walked back to the truck then the house a few times. Through tears and sadness we did all we could. "You wanna buckle yourself in/get a drink/take a different toy?..." He finally walked in the house. He started crying again then Bodhi woke up and started wailing.

I could feel my patience begin to wane but I had a choice. React with anger in a way that makes it worse for all of us or sit through the perfect tantrum storm. It's hard. I'm not always able to do it with grace, but today I did and it made all the difference. I picked up Bodhi to nurse and held Z crying. I didn't know what else to do. He settled down and I told him I understood his feelings. He told me about being sad and mad and he wanted to go. I told him it was OK and I understood. He wasn't wrong or bad. He's two. He knew I understood and cared and eventually stopped crying. The storm was over and we were back to where we were before it all began. Home and playing.

I never know that what I'm doing is "right" but that all depends on the moment. I have no method. There is no formula. There are no repeats. There is only now. Sometimes it's a quick fix, sometimes it's full meltdown. I wonder if I'm responding right. But no matter what I do I have to sit through it and be in it. Do I end it or do I let it go? How long? End it how? Is this a healthy response? Am I over-reacting? Under-reacting? All I can do is my best. I can't rely on "well it worked last time." Last time is gone. There is only the moment in front of me.

The only things that work for me are in my Mama's toolbox. Yes, I forget them. Yes, I get angry. Yes, I can lose my temper and meltdown myself but I always fall back on them. Even if I have to say I'm sorry and move forward with them. We're all human and as a parent I admit my mistakes too. And yes, especially to a two year old.

The only things I really need in my toolbox are:

Love

Compassion

Patience

Kindness

Understanding

Time

Silly Saturdays