The Answer Game

I knew Z wouldn't be tired at bedtime.  We had spent the morning playing at the park.  He played with some new friends, and after our friend left, we hung out eating pink bubblegum and pistachio gelato and picked out a few groceries.  On the way home he fell asleep, next to his brother, and took a nice afternoon nap.

When the bedtime alarm went off, I gave him a few more minutes, and started the dishwasher.  Then we headed off to start bedtime.

I could tell by his energy that he wasn't going down easy.  I understood why.  Instead of being frustrated, I surrendered.  It's always better when I surrender.

We read stories from our old fairy book, and talked about how awesome it would be to find one in the fairy house we built.  We talked about how easily they are disguised in nature and we hope to see one some day.  We discussed how different they all were, and how fun it would be to fly with the birds and dragonflies.  We love fairies!

He told me one of his awesome imaginative stories, and then I thought I should just go to bed too.  I was tired, and 9:30 was approaching.  Why not go to bed at a descent time?  I ask myself this nearly every night.  I asked him to wait until I got ready for bed and I'd come right back.

I returned quickly and scooped him up and took him into our bed, next to Bodhi, who was soundly asleep.  We told a story, and just when we were getting ready to shut off the light, he asked, "Want to play the answer game?"   I knew it was another way to prolong going to sleep, but I was intrigued by this game.  The most special moments happen when you least expect it.  I also know what it feels like to not be super tired and be laying in bed with an active mind.  "Sure.  We can play it for a little while.  What's the answer game?"

Z said, "Okay.  Here's the answer game.  You give me all of your answers, and I will give you all of my answers."

I smiled in the dark.  "Well, do you want to ask me a question?"

"No.  Just give me all your answers.  You have more answers than me."

I laughed.  "Well, you're pretty smart and you have a lot of answers too!  Usually, when you ask a question, someone can give you an answer.  How about you ask me a question."

I thought, you really do have as many answers as me, about the important stuff.  All the rest will fall in place, when you're ready, sweet boy.

"Well, you have more answers than me.  Okay.  What's steam?"  We had been talking about steam lately.  It started when we put an ice cube in some hot soup a while back and he said it was smoking.  We've also been doing a lot of science experiments lately.

"Steam is water vapor.  When hot meets cold, the water steams, and rises like smoke.  It's like when we put a piece of ice in hot soup."

He listened, asked a few more questions about steam and smoke, then told me to ask one.

"What animal do you love?"

"Shadow.  She's my friend.  And P. Pat."

We each asked a few more questions, then he seemed happy and more relaxed.  We fell asleep shortly after.

He always amazes me.  I love his games and questions.  I love his imagination.  I love to know what he is thinking.  I love to listen to him.  I love to learn what meant something to him, and what he remembers.  I love that he is a sponge, and it reminds me to watch every single thing I do and say.  I love watching his mind and heart expand.  I love to see his eyes open.  I love to see creation stirring.  I love the beginner's mind in action.

I also think it's sweet and cute how he thinks I have so many answers and trusts me to know everything.  I will always answer his questions, or we find an answer.  It's such an amazing journey with children, learning and growing together.

I am eternally grateful for my little teachers.

I Don't Want to Rush

"If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made… How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?"

How often do you actually "stop to smell the roses"?  

We do often.  

Having kids reminds me to do this more often than ever before.  

I think it's important to take time to see what's in front of us and pay attention to simple joys and things. I hope to teach my children that they can and should stop, linger, see, hear, smell, taste, feel what's in front of them.  

Don't rush past it.  

Don't always be in a hurry.  

Make the time.

There is enough time.  

There's always time.  

I don't want them to miss what's in front of them, like the people in this video.  They couldn't take five minutes to listen to the beautiful music?  I wonder why.  It makes me sad.

Children notice the most simple and beautiful things and they will bring you into their world.  

I am grateful for my children who remind me to stop. 

Look and pick up that beautiful leaf.  Talk about it.

Stop and watch the lights twinkle.  

Smell the dinner on the stove.  Observe how it sizzles and pops.  Let your mouth water.  Taste it.

See how they rearranged the magnets.  There's a whole world right in front of you. 

Play with your shadow.

Just watch their face.

"Be here now."

Last week I wrote a note above my kitchen sink, where I spend plenty of time.  

It says "STOP.  Say yes."

Yes, I think I will.  

Through His Eyes

As a parent it's easy to get caught up in what we think we need to be doing.  It's easy to get frustrated at the "mess" that surrounds us every minute.  Of course thoughts pop into my head then I try and see it through his eyes and really needs to be done -play together and give him my attention.  I am eternally grateful for being taught to slow down, be in the moment and let things go.

I see the carpet needs vacuuming.
He sees confetti, sparkles, and color everywhere.

I see toys thrown off the table and they need to be picked up.
He sees the earthquake.  It's there on purpose.

I see twenty books on the floor.
He sees choices to sort through.

I see five ornaments clumped together.
He sees "friends".

I see a deathtrap on the stairs.
He sees a mountain racetrack.

I see marker all over him.
He sees Mad Tiger.

I see filthy tub water.
He sees an ocean of possibility.

This is why I let it be and clean when they go to sleep.  Yes, we pick up little by little together too and I get some stuff done bit by bit.  But making the mess is way more fun than demanding a perfect house from minute to minute.  We're all the happier for it.

And like magic we start all over again the next day.

Beginner's Mind

“In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few”.

Shunryu Suzuki

I never really got this until we had our first son (little boy number two is due in July). Every single moment he opens my eyes and helps me see that everything is new moment to moment and there isn't always a "right" way to do something. You don't have to have a goal or fixed plan every time you set out to do something -just the experience is enough.

Every time I experience something with Z, I see the wonder in his heart and it opens me a little more each time. I release my expectations and go with the flow (yes, of course, I have to remind myself over and over, but that's part of the journey). We may hear the same song 100 times but every time is the first. We may paint a picture but every one we begin anew. We may go to the same park but each visit is different. We may take a bath but every time there are new possibilities and things to discover and play with. Everything we do it's a first time for him again because every moment is new and he has no idea that he's supposed to be doing anything but be immersed in the experience.

I am so grateful that Z teaches me so much. He helps me to realize that I have the ability to change the way I see things even if I can't change the things I see. We all do.

************************************

I am also eternally grateful to Karen Maezen Miller, author of Momma Zen. I found her book a few months into my pregnancy with Z and soon after peeked within. I could hardly put it down. In fact, I still crack it open and have read it again, cover-to-cover, since being pregnant again. Her perfect words spring forth like renewed water from an everlasting spring that all us mamas have access to, especially when we open up our minds and hearts. Through tears and smiles she helped open me a little more and realize my beginner's mind. I have it in me to be a mama, all on my own, without all the expert's advice. She helped me to trust myself more and let go of most of my expectations and worries. I didn't hardly touch other books about mamahood and pregnancy because somehow I began to trust myself and recognize my beginner's mind. We all have it, especially us mamas.