Monday, May 14, 2012

What Gets My Attention?

I have to pick myself up and dust myself off.  Sometimes, again and again.

I've been in a funk lately and having a hard time pulling myself out of it.

There's no time like now to ask myself what needs to change.  Some things take a ton of my time, some only a little, but lots of little things can add up to a lot!

Lately, most days I feel pulled in a hundred different directions and spreading myself thin.  I'm not a great multi-tasker.  It does no one any good.  How can anyone give their full attention to more than one thing?  It's hard with two children.  Harder than I ever imagined.

I also get overwhelmed when I think of all the different hats that I wear.  Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing 20 hats at once.  That's enough weight to pull anyone down.

I am working hard, paying attention to where my energy goes and what matters.  If I add the right things to my plate the rest won't fit.

Noticing it is the first step...

I'm pretty good about following my daily rituals.  My little pauses bring such gratitude to our day.

I'm always learning how to connect with and guide Z, and Bodhi, and give my full attention.

I'm trying to breathe and think before I speak or yell.  Sometimes it happens so fast!

I'm getting my butt on the cushion every day.  Even if my name is called, I figure five minutes is better than no minutes.

I want to make a little art or create something fun everyday, with myself and with Z.

I'm slowly taking more time for myself here and there.

I'm slowly learning how to ask for help.

I'm slowly learning how to let go more and more of the things that don't matter.

I'm slowly diving further into the things and people that do matter.

I'm slowly learning how to let go of others' judgements, sooner than later.

I'm unsubscribing more and more.

I'm checking Facebook and e-mail less and less.  

I'm leaving my phone inside or in the other room.

I'm stopping reading so many damn parenting articles.  (By the way, up yours, Time Magazine.  I am just a mama.)

I'm going back to reading more offline than online.

I write only when I have something to say to or remind myself.

I want to write more letters.

I want to journal more.

I'm thinking about who I spend my time with.

I'm working out ways to spend more time with each of the boys alone.

I'm thinking about how to spend some time alone with Daddy.  I can't even remember the last time we hung out without the kids.

I'm my harshest critic and I need to be more kind to myself.

In the words of the beautiful Karen Maezen Miller"Attention is the most concrete expression of love.  What you pay attention to thrives.  What you do not pay attention to withers and dies."  

What are you paying attention to?

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